ever growing, ever changing

27 04 2008

when i first set out with the gideon chronicles blog, my intent was to have outlet exclusively dedicated to some of my more “purposeful” and significant thoughts, musings and/or ramblings. i was feeling like I needed to narrow the focus of my blogging somewhat, and the blog you are reading is the result of that desire.

however, i have lately been thinking about this approach as well as the fact that i actually have 3 blogs… this one, myspace and my music blog, flava in ya ear. my blog and thoughts have been kind of segmented and it has had me thinking about life and how we can tend to segment and compartmentalize our lives, sometimes feeling overwhelmed because of the pressure to keep all the plates spinning, independently of each other. i’ve been thinking lately how absurd it is to think that we have all these different life elements that we try to keep separate from the others as if they don’t feed and flow into and out of each other. i recently heard someone talking about the term “faith life” or “spiritual life” in the context of people using these terms like they are actually separate and independent from the other elements of their life. after all, what parts of our lives aren’t spiritual or faith-centric?

that being said, i am going to be broadening the scope of the gideon chronicles a bit. sometimes i’ll be sharing something particularly purposeful, but i will also be sharing from the other pieces of me and my life that all flow into one another, making me uniquely me. it might be music, art, culture, humor, relationships, love, random thoughts, pictures, stories or any number of other things… but all together, they are the sum total of who i am striving to be and of the life i am learning to walk out every day… ever growing… ever changing…

hope you enjoy the ride…

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love one another.

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bygones, regrets and forgiveness

23 03 2008

// becoming… a better reflection \\

“a friend loves at all times and is born, as is a brother, for adversity” – proverbs 17:17 (amplified version)

i have been thinking lately about my friends. of course the ones that immediately come to mind are those who i am building great new relationships with, am in close relationship with and with whom i am walking through this life, trying to figure it out together. but as of late, i have really had a desire to reach out and reconnect with friends from my past, those who i spent time with throughout earlier seasons of my life but have lost contact with. both myspace and facebook have proven to be excellent tools for this sort of thing.

however, there are a few past friendships that have been on my heart lately that, for one reason or another, took a different turn. this is where my focus seems to be.

there is one situation in particular that is a bit dificult as i recall it now. about 7 years ago a very close friend shared some things with me and to put it mildly, my reaction was not good. in fact, it was very poor. this all happened at a time in my life when i had a lot of religion rooted in my heart. as a result, even though i was a good-natured person, my reaction at the time was nothing close to representing Christ’s heart at all. as i sifted through a bunch of old emails tonight, i came across some of our correspondence from that time and it brought to my mind how that situation was left hanging.

i have had many experiences, relationships and growth opportunities since this occurred. i believe i am a very different person than i was then and were the same scenario to go down today, i would like to believe that i would be able to exercise much more patience, love and kindness than i did back then.

allow me to be transparent here and share with you an excerpt from an email that i sent to this person this evening:

“…I know that the last time we spoke the air was very muddy. I know there were a lot of emotions at play at the time, and I know that I did not handle it well at all. For my contribution to the situation, I truly hope you accept my apology…”

the bible says that a friend loves at all times and it born for adversity. if this is the case, i was anything but a friend in this instance. i would say this is very different from the person i am and friend that i strive to be today. today, i go to great lengths to reach out and be there for my friends, no matter what. as i am in a season of many new relationships and friendships, tonight i am reminded of those that i wasn’t the best at stewarding. many times we see the error of our ways or where we missed the mark and ask God for forgiveness, but don’t always go back to the person we wronged and ask for their forgiveness, especially when years and many miles now separate us. how can we expect God to continue to bless us to move forward when we have left painful landmarks in our wake? and why does it seem easier to forgive rather than ask for forgiveness?

i don’t share all of this with you to pat myself on the back or get a jewel in my crown, but rather to be very honest and say that i, just like most of you reading this, have come a long way and am still pressing toward the mark every single day. part of the whole “becoming…” concept is growing and becoming better in every area of life, and tonight i am seeking to become a better reflection of Christ in my relationships. this is not the easiest blog to write, but i felt like i was supposed to write it. and maybe it’s not just about me. it usually isn’t.